Star Wars Episode II - Attack of My Pants
by Lance
Summary: This is a parody of Star Wars Episode II: Attack of the Clones. R&R please. :) Chapter 3 up
1. Chapter 1 - Death of One and Fateful Mee...

STAR WARS EPISODE II - ATTACK OF MY PANTS  
  
I DO NOT OWN STAR WARS OKAY!  
  
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We see a ship. A big ship. So big it wants to kiiiiiillllllll youuuuu...   
  
Fuzz: Hey wait, that's wrong!  
  
Lance: Hey, it's a spoof! What do you expect?  
  
Fuzz: ...  
  
So anyway, it's a big ship. It's flying over the vast world of Courseness. We see smaller ships going along with it.  
  
Fuzz: I'M GETTING F*CKING BOARD HERE!  
  
Lance: Shut up! Keep the censor clean, please, younger people can hear you, okay?  
  
Fuzz: Grr...  
  
Ahem. So the ships fly to the planet. It lands VERY SLOWLY, yes VERY SLOWLY and takes a LONG LONG..  
  
Fuzz: GET TO THE POINT!  
  
..time. We see Senator Poo-Shae come out of her ship, disguised in her pilot outfit. The decoy comes out of the other ship, with head of security, Captain Typo and a few others. A big BOOM occurs, destroying lots of things.  
  
Poo-Shea: COR-POO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
She goes over Cor-Poo, and looks at her and stuff.  
  
Cor-poo: I'm sorry, m' lover, I failed you, and never admitted that we were lovers.  
  
Typo: OOO!! I NO WHAT YOU DID LAST SUMMER NOW!!!  
  
Author: If you didn't get that, read his name. ;)  
  
Poo-Shea: Shut up! I'm a lesbian, so what? GAY PRIDE!  
  
Cor-poo: Gay pri- *dies*  
  
Poo- Shea: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Typo: Senatire Poo-Shea, coem now.  
  
Poo-Shea: I just found out why your called Typo..  
  
Typo: Qiuet, yoou.  
  
Poo-Shea: Alrighty, lets goooooooo.  
  
Later, in CHANCEEELOOOR PALPYS office..  
  
Palpy: Friends, I can't hold the vote off any longer. More systems are joining the Separatists.  
  
Maccie Wipeme: If they possibly go bye-bye, then..  
  
Palpy: [throws a fit] NEVIAR NEVIAR NEVIAR, I WON'T LET THIS REPUBLIC BE SPLIT IN TWO! MY COMMUNICATIONS DO NOT FAIL!   
  
Maccie: But, but, but, if they go..  
  
Palpy: NNNNNNNNNNEEEEEEEEEEVVVVVVVVIIIIIIIIIIIIAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ALL THEIR BASE ARE BELONG TO US!  
  
Yaddle: Baffling, quit, on nerves, get, Palpy.  
  
Maccie: There are not enough Jedi to protect the Republic.  
  
Palpy: Will it really come to war, Yaddle?  
  
Yaddle: [closes eyes] Side Dark everything, clouds.  
  
Palpy: TALK STRAIT OKAY!  
  
Yaddle: Strait talk, that, what is?  
  
Maccie: ...  
  
Ki-Afu-Jookke: [lets one rip]  
  
Yaddle: Died, here, in, what?  
  
Maccie: ...  
  
Palpy: HIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!  
  
Fuzz: Where did 'Hi' come in, that was random.  
  
Lance: M'eh!  
  
A holotransmission appears.  
  
Figure: Mi deen ko ratta shag, geetta wookienn. Riping ven tipe.  
  
Palpy: Okay.  
  
Maccie: I see. [Goes into deep thought, very deep so deep it hurts, and oh yes, that woman, and..]  
  
Fuzz: THAT'S WRONG.  
  
Lance: I see. [laughs]  
  
The LOYALIST COMMITTIE enters the room.  
  
Yaddle: Poo-Shea, terrible, landing platform your tragedy. Alive seeing you, feelings warm heart to.  
  
Poo-Shea: Huh?  
  
Yaddle: ...  
  
Palpy: ...  
  
Maccie: ...  
  
Poo-Shea: ...  
  
Fuzz: ...  
  
Lance: ...  
  
Ki-Afu-Jookke: [lets another one rip]  
  
Poo-Shea: EWWWWWWW!  
  
Ki-Afu-Jookke: Hey, your name is Poo, so WATCH IT YOUNG LASS!  
  
Poo-Shea: Uh, anyways, do you have any Idea to who was behind the attacks?  
  
Maccie: Our intellect points to grgrgrgrgr, EVIL people on Napoo!  
  
Poo-Shea: I think that the Count DAMN-YOU was behind it.  
  
Ki-Afu-Jookke: Count DAMN-YOU is a damned political idealist, as his name implies, not a murder.  
  
Palpy: (Ha, ha, my handyman boy.)  
  
Maccie: What was that?  
  
Paply: Umm, nothing. (Mwarharharhar..)  
  
Maccie: You know, m' Lady, Count DAMN-YOU was once a Jedi, he would not kill anyone, its not his charaaaaaaaaaaaap.  
  
Palpy: ...GWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!  
  
Maccie: ...  
  
Yaddle: ...  
  
Ki-Afu-Jookke: ...  
  
Poo-Shea: Yeah, well, whatever.  
  
Palpy: Master JEDI, my I ask if you could put Poo-Shea under your protection?  
  
Senator I-was-BAILED-out-of-ORANIA-Jail-57times: Do you think that's a wise choice?  
  
Palpy: You shut UP, you owe me your life after how many times I've bailed you out.  
  
Senator I-was-BAILED-out-of-ORANIA-Jail-57times: ...  
  
Poo-Shea: NO! I DO NOT NEED MORE GUARDS, THE F*CKING-  
  
Palpy: -SITUATION IS THAT SERIOUS. YES IT IS! NOW GO HOME AND HAVE A NAP!  
  
Maccie: I think I'll have Obi-Sexy report to you right away.  
  
  
R&R please. It would be nice. :) 


	2. Chaper 2 - Goin' Up

STAR WARS EPISODE II - ATTACK OF MY PANTS  
Chapter 2  
  
I DO NOT OWN STAR WARS OKAY!  
  
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There is an elevator. Its going up. Ani and Obi are in it. Ace, huh?  
  
Fuzz: ...I don't like you.  
  
Lance: ..I don't like your penis, so go away.  
  
Obi: Uh.. yeah.. um, Ani, I haven't seen you uh.. [reads through the script] oh yes, I haven't seen you this nervous in along time, like when you fell into my arms and we had sex.  
  
Ani: ..don't talk about that master.  
  
Obi: Okay, how about that time when you fell into a pit of bunnys?  
  
Ani: You fell in the pit of bunnies master, and you thought they were going to eat you and bite your nose. But I rescued you, rembeber?  
  
Fuzz: Wait. Bunnys? Are those harmful?  
  
Lance: Yes. Bunnys can be very eviiiiiiiiiiiiiil. They are the most dangerous creatures in the universe.  
  
Fuzz: I see.  
  
Obi: Oh, yes. [laughs] ..Anakin, your sweating, relax, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale.  
  
Ani: [flips through the script] Hey, you were to say breathe, not inhale, exhale, , inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale, inhale, exhale. HEY! WHY THE SH*T DID THEY PUT MY NAME AS ANI, ITS ANAKIN AND STUFF, AND I LIKE PADME, AND PALPY IS A SITH AND YOU'RE GAY MASTER AND PADME IS A LESBIAN AND I LIKE CHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEESE.............................  
  
Obi: I see.  
  
Fuzz: I don't see.  
  
Lance: I do so be quiet.  
  
Now, to Poo-Shea's quarters. Jar-me Biklee is walking down the hall, and the elevator door opens to reveal.... Ani and..  
  
Jar-me: OBIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII! [tries to kiss Obi, but Obi backs off, and attacks Jar-me.  
  
Ani: That wasen't nice.  
  
Obi: Well his name is Jar-me. [winks]  
  
Poo-Shea walks up to them.  
  
Poo-Shea: You again?  
  
Obi: Hello.  
  
Ani: Hellllllllllllllllllllllo.  
  
Poo-Shea: I like pie.  
  
Obi: Me too.  
  
Poo-Shea: Really?  
  
Obi: Yep.  
  
Poo-Shea: Well then, I like you. And its been far to long master Kenobi. ANI!?!?!?!?!?!?!  
  
Ani: DON'T CALL ME THAT YOU LESBIAN!  
  
Poo-Shea: OH NO! My secret is revealed! Whatever shall I do?  
  
Random person: CHEESE IS GOOD.  
  
Ani: Yes.  
  
Obi: No.  
  
Typo: Yse.  
  
R2: Bweep-doop!  
  
Everyone: [looks at R2]  
  
R2: Bleepedtty boop do doo doooooooooooo!?!  
  
Typo: I ese.  
  
Poo-Shea: [slaps Typo upside the head]  
  
Jar-Me: WWWEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!  
  
Fuzz: ...GET ON WITH IT.  
  
They sit down.  
  
Typo: Im Captni Typo of the Securtiy force. The situatrion is very danguours rihtg now.  
  
Random Person: [attacks Typo]  
  
Poo-Shea: I DON'T NEED MORE GUARDS I NEED AWNSERS! I WANT TO FIND OUT WHO IS TRYING TO KILL ME, SO I WILL WHINE AND SCREAM UNTIL I HAVE MY WAY!  
  
Obi: Okay, but we are not here to start an invesigation.  
  
Ani: Yes we are.  
  
Obi: No.  
  
Ani: Yes.  
  
Obi: No.  
  
Ani: Yes.  
  
Obi: No.  
  
Ani: Yes.  
  
Obi: No.  
  
Ani: Yes.  
  
Obi: Yes.  
  
Ani: No.  
  
Obi: GWAHAHAHAHA, GOTCHA!  
  
Ani: Poop.  
  
Jar-me: Pie.  
  
Poo-Shea: Cheese.  
  
Obi: Tomatoes.  
  
Typo: Lettuec.  
  
R2: Beep doop be doo.  
  
Ani: Indeed. 


	3. Chapter 3 - The Chase

STAR WARS EPISODE II - ATTACK OF MY PANTS  
Chapter 3  
  
I DO NOT OWN STAR WARS OKAY!  
  
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Zam Weseal meets with her client..  
  
Zam: SKWEEKY! I hit the Ship but they [screech] used a d-d-d-ecoy.  
  
Jangle Feet: Uh.. [reading from script] Oh yes, we'll have to try something more suttle then this time Zam, my client is getting impatient. There can be no mistackes this time.  
  
Fuzz: Mistackes?  
  
Lance: ..typo. Oops. Sorry. Cheese.  
  
Fuzz: I....see.  
  
Jangle Feet: Use these, but becareful, they are VERY poisonous.  
  
Zam: OKAY. [breaks it open, one bites her and she dies.]  
  
Jangle Feet: ...  
  
Zam: HA HA, I FOOLED YOU, SEE I'M ALIVE! WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! [she puts the things back in the container.  
  
Jangle Feet: (That womans gonna end up dead doing that stuff.)  
Ani is in the same room as before. Obi comes in.  
  
Obi: Whats your favorite cheese?  
  
Ani: Swiss.  
  
Obi: Dance with me.  
  
Ani: No.  
  
Obi: Okay.  
  
Ani: ...  
  
Obi: ...  
  
Ani: Why do we wait for her to die?  
  
Obi: She won't. Some deadly creatures will just come up to her and kill her through a droid of some kind and then we'll chase them and we'll have them in CHECKMATE!  
  
Ani: Whats Checkmate?  
  
Obi: [slaps Ani upside the head]  
  
Later..  
  
Ani: I DON'T SLEEP WELL ANYMORE THOUGH I'M TWENTY AND I AM A LITTLE BABY SEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!! WANNA SEE MY DICK??  
  
Obi: ..No.  
  
Some deadly creatures come up to Poo-Shea and then she lets one rip and the things die. Obi grabs on to the droid and goes WE-WE-WE all the way home. Ani proceeds to ..uh, do, SOMTHING to Poo-Shea, if you have any idea what that means. ;)  
  
Fuzz: G-rated por-  
  
Lance: [whacks Fuzz] No.  
  
Fuzz: ...  
  
Typo: OH MY GOD! POO-SHEA WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?!?!?!  
  
Dordoo: POO-SHEA!?!  
  
Poo-Shea: Oh, right. [stops]  
  
Ani: Aw, but-  
  
Poo-Shea: No, go find the killer so I can be unprotected and die due to a diversion!  
  
Ani: Okay! [runs off skiping like a little girl sing "ring around the rosie."] (Why did she have (uh, you know)? She's a lesbian... this doesn't make..)  
  
The chase continues on until Zam's ship falls to the underbelly..  
  
Ani: Master! She went into the club! Lets go get her although I'm not old enough!  
  
Obi: Ani, you know I don't like it when you do.. [lists millions of things]  
  
Ani: BUT BUT BUT!  
  
Obi: GGGGGGGGGGGGTTTTTTTTTTTBBBBBBBBBBBBBDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.  
  
Ani: Yes, master.  
  
They go into the club.  
  
Obi: I'm going to get a drink.  
  
Ani: CAN I GET ONE TOOO!?!?!  
  
Obi: Mabey when your older.  
  
Ani: Awwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww.................  
  
Guy at bar: You want me to kill you for money?  
  
Obi: No.  
  
Guy at bar: Okay.  
  
Obi: GO HOME AND EAT YOUR OWN TESTICLES.  
  
Guy at bar: I'm going to go home and eat my testicles!  
  
Obi: More enthusiasm please.  
  
Guy at bar: [cheerfully] I'm going to go home and eat my testicles!!  
  
Obi: EEEEEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWww.........  
  
Everyone: EEEEWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW.... HEESS NNNNNNNNAAAAAASSSSSSSSSTTTTTTYYYYYYYYY.....  
  
Chatter goes on. The man leaves  
  
Obi: GGGGGGGGGGGGTTTTTTTTTTTBBBBBBBBBBBBBDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.  
  
Silence.  
  
Obi: What?  
  
Zam Weasal: I'm going to kill you okay?  
  
Obi: Alright! [to guy next to him, whispering] Hey! She is gonna kill me, isn't that GREAT!?  
  
Guy next to him: ...  
  
Obi: [attacks Zam]  
  
Ani: wow you're special master i never have seen you do such a thing cause first she attacked you then you hit her then she was dead and you're alive wow...  
  
Obi: ?  
  
Lance: USE YOUR GRAMMER CORRECTLY.. HEHEHEHEHEHEHE!  
  
Fuzz: ...?  
  
Obi: [kisses Zam] I love you.  
  
Zam: But I'm a weasle, and you are gay.  
  
Obi: Oh yeah.  
  
Ani: ...  
  
Yaddle rushes in  
  
Yaddle: Obi no, submit, anger, not do, must, you, go and, not kiss her.  
  
Obi: ...  
  
Ani: ...  
  
Zam: ...  
  
Bartender: ...  
  
Everyone: ...  
  
Ki-Afu-Joukie: [magicly enters and lets one rip then him and Yaddle disappear]  
  
Obi: GGGGGGGGGGGGGGGTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBBDDDDDDDDDDDDDDD.  
  
Ani: I see, oh yeah, who were you trying to kill lady?  
  
Zam: Your mom.  
  
Ani: No. Who?  
  
Zam: The senator from Napoo.  
  
Obi: Who hired you?  
  
Zam: IT WAS JUST A JOB OKAY  
  
Ani: WHO HIRED YOU TELL ME OR I'LL EAT YOU AND RAPE YOU AND THEN YOU WILL TELL ME CAUSE I LIKE CHEESE WITH PEANUT BUTTER MMMM.  
  
Zam: Some old guy named- [dies]  
  
Obi: Excellent.  
  
Ani: WHO KILLED HER WAAAAAAAAAAA  
  
Obi: ...  
  
Jangle Feet: It was me!  
  
Obi: No, me!  
  
Adi Dalla: NO IT WAS ME  
  
Ki-Afu Jookie: ME ME ME ME ME!  
  
Yaddle: Killed, her, I did!  
  
Ani: I did!  
  
Random Person: NO ME  
  
Zam: NO I DID... wait, I'm dead; oops...  
  
Obi: ...  
-------------------  
Review please! :D 


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